How Fascinating!

In my last post, I wrote about what’s needed to have the courage to express your creativity. I want to add to that because there’s also a block that, if not dealt with, will stunt your creativity. That block is mistakes and failures are bad.

Consciously, you know that mistakes and failures aren’t bad - they’re learning experiences. Consciously knowing that truth is not enough because your subconscious mind may not agree. The belief that mistakes and failures are bad was formed in our childhood, usually from events that happened with our parents.

As a child, you tried something, it didn’t work, and then your parents got upset. You gave meaning to your parent’s reaction and interpreted the event as, you guessed it, mistakes and failures are bad. If this happened multiple times, the belief got stored in your subconscious mind and became part of your identity.

Can you be the best version of yourself while holding this belief? Probably not. It’s important to eliminate this belief. There are many belief elimination methods. One of my favorites is the Lefkoe Method. I will share a simple method here on how to eliminate mistakes and failures are bad. This method works best if you do the process by writing in your journal.

Here’s the process. Think of three events in your childhood when you tried something, failed, and then your parents, or an authority figure, got upset at you. Describe each event in detail. For each event you wrote, answer this question: how is that fascinating?

For example, let’s say the event was riding a bike for the first time. You could describe the event like this: My dad would get upset and yell at me everytime I fell off my bike. He would cross his arms and shout ‘come on…this is easy. Any idiot could do this.’

How is that fascinating? It’s fascinating because my dad wanted the best for me, even though it didn’t necessarily come out that way. It’s fascinating because my dad’s anger had nothing to do with me, he was processing his own issues. It’s fascinating because this is how we learn - we try, fail, and try again until we succeed.

Could those interpretations be as true, if not truer, than the belief that mistakes and failures are bad? They sure could. The point of answering how is that fascinating? is to help find different meanings and interpretations to the events associated with the belief that mistakes and failures are bad. Whenever you introduce different possible meanings to an event, the dysfunctional belief breaks down and you have more choices and confidence to create what you want.

Let’s take this a step further and bring this idea of how is that fascinating? into our everyday life. In the book, The Art of Possibility, the authors, Rosamund and Benjamin, teach that everytime a mistake is made, rather than bemoan over the mistake, simply exclaim, “How fascinating!” and move on. This process opens the door to more choices and possibilities for each situation. And if you have kids, this will help them not assign dysfunctional meanings or beliefs to events that they could carry for a lifetime.

My wife and I practice this everyday. Last night I screwed up the fried honey mustard chicken. I cooked the breading mixture too long and it burnt. I immediately turned to her and said, “How fascinating!” The mood stayed light. Dinner wasn’t ruined. We enjoyed every bite. And our date went on. How fascinating!