Specific Appreciation

Have you ever produced a piece of work, such as an article, artwork, or song, and only received vague appreciation? For example, you’re displaying art at a gallery and the passerbyers respond with, “Nice job. Looks great. I like your work.”

While the sentiment is nice, that level of appreciation probably is not helpful. This is your life’s work, and when it goes on display, so goes your heart and soul. You want to be seen and appreciated; you want to know if your work is making a difference. When someone says, “Good job,” you wonder…is it really?

Specific appreciation can impact someone. It gives the artist or creator validation that his work is affecting someone’s life. For example, an artist is displaying a wonderful oceanscape of Long Sands Beach. As you’re staring at the painting, you notice how relaxed and peaceful you are. Instead of surface level comments and vague niceties about the painting, you go a bit deeper, and express specific appreciation.

You might say, “I really enjoy your painting. The blending of the greens and blues are relaxing. The ocean looks so real I can almost smell it. I also love how you captured Nubble Lighthouse and all those little details that make it come to life.”

Of course, your thoughts and feelings about the painting have to be genuine, and almost all appreciation is genuine. My point is that we have a tendency to fall short when expressing sincere appreciation.

By being specific, it completes the giving and receiving loop, even when no money is exchanged. The artist feels satisfied and complete that his work is appreciated. You, the observer, feel satisfied and complete because you received and acknowledged a work of beauty. This type of exchange sends nice ripples of love and appreciation into the universe.

I like using specific appreciation in my relationships, especially with my wife. When she does something thoughtful for me, like buying flowers and putting them next to my bedside, I take the time to enjoy the beautiful flowers and then express my specific appreciation to her.

The appreciation may go something like this, “Hunny, I feel really loved and taken care of when you bring me flowers. I love the pops of purple in this flower. And sunflowers are my favorite. Thank you so much.” Then a big kiss follows :)

This is not a technique to score points. I genuinely appreciate her expression of love and the flowers. My intention with being specific is to acknowledge her love and care. I want to go beyond vagueness and the everyday thank you. I want her to feel seen. The nice side effect from specific appreciation is that our bond and relationship deepens and grows.

Here are some pointers for using specific appreciation:

• Point out what you liked or what moved you about their work. For example, “I really liked your painting because…”
• Describe the emotion or impact the work or person had on you. For example, “I feel so relaxed and peaceful when I come home to a clean living room. It helps so much. Thank you.”
• Point out the specific thing or event that impacted you. For example, “In your book, The Art of Possibility, I tried the chapter about giving an “A”. When class resumed in the fall, I started by giving all my students an “A”. What a difference it made…”

Specific appreciation takes practice. Next time you feel inspired by someone or their creative work, go deeper than the casual thank you. Point out something specific while expressing appreciation. Even though you probably won’t see the effect it has on someone’s life, who knows, maybe you inspired them to not quit their life’s work. Or maybe your small token of love saved their life in some way.