How to Figure Out What You Want in Life

Empty your cup so that it may be filled; become devoid to gain totality.

Bruce Lee

A common struggle I see in personal development is figuring out what you want in life. It often sounds like this, “I don’t know what I want” or “What should I do with my life?” or “Should I do xyz? Or should I do abc?” It’s a confused state of mind and hopeless feeling in life.

Most self-help advice is centered around helping you avoid hopelessness, as if you’re broken when you reach that state. I like the state of hopelessness, however; it’s the final step before figuring out what the real problem is.

When you’re hopeless, you have given up. You find it pointless to keep setting goals, making plans, and taking action because look where you are now, stuck. However, you’re not stuck and you’re not broken - you’re just filled with clutter.

The Great Cleansing

When my wife and I moved into our home, a couple of rooms became a dumping ground for our stuff while we fixed up other areas of the house. One of those dumping grounds was the Blue Room. This room was meant to be her spiritual and creative space. As soon as we fixed up the primary rooms, our intention was to renovate the Blue Room to better reflect her intention for that space.

We mis-judged the time needed for our house projects. Over the next two years, progress was slow and nothing moved forward with the Blue Room. Even when we tried to plan out her vision, we struggled choosing paint colors, the type of finished flooring, window treatments, furniture, and artwork. The decision fatigue was maddening and it was a hopeless situation.

What about the cluttered space? Yep, that was still there. What a drag. Everytime I walked by that room I felt anxious and irritated. Even at night, as I laid in bed, I could feel the Blue Room pulsating, as if the clutter was alive and spreading into the walls.

One day I snapped (slight exaggeration) and yelled, “Enough is enough!” We decided no more planning, no more magazine cut-outs, and no more pinterest inspiration; we’re getting rid of that clutter even if it takes us two more years.

That’s what we did. We cleaned house. Within two months, the Blue Room was emptied, and no - we didn’t shift the clutter from one space to the next. The clutter was gone, toast, expunged from the universe.

The Great Cleansing renewed our spirits, like we were baptized by Jesus himself. We found new inspiration for the space. That new inspiration provided us clarity and the next steps became obvious. We effortlessly flowed into action and sustained that motivation. One month later, the Blue Room was completed.

Empty your cup

Like this cup, you are full of your own opinions and speculation. How can I show you wisdom unless you first empty your cup?

Nyogen Senzaki

When you’re confused about what you want in life, or feel hopeless, the next best step is backwards, not pushing forward. This backwards step is about removing the inner clutter and emptying your space.

Our inspiration for the Blue Room came after we de-cluttered. We were left with an empty, storyless space and no anxiety. We were a clear conduit for inspiration to “speak” to us for how the Blue Room wanted to be form.

How can inspiration reach you if you’re filled and attached to your opinons, speculations, and beliefs? How can you know what to do in life with that fixed mindset?

Imagine that your life is like a cup. When your cup is filled to the brim, you have no room for more abundance. The only place to go is being a mess on the floor, and nobody wants that.

When you empty the liquid from your cup, however, there’s plenty of space for new inspiration. You can follow that inspiration and act with wisdom and compassion. This will bring new opportunities to your life, such as healthier relationships, financial abundance, health and vitality, or life purpose and meaningful work.

How to empty your cup

We live in a doing culture. This culture emphasizes production, work, activity, and identity. Therefore, we are pushed into competition and the illusion of scarce resources. Our identities wrap around being somebody, producing value, and accumulating to survive and thrive. As a result, our life depends on achieving goals or hitting a mark.

What if instead you let go of doing and focus on being? Rather than trying to figure out your life, what if you get comfortable with “not knowing” and joyfully participate in your life, as it is, right now? This would involve letting go of your assumptions about who you should be or what you should be doing in life.

Being comfortable with “not knowing” is a clutter-free zone. There’s tons of space to move about, discover, and explore life. There’s also no pressure in this space. Time as a resource doesn’t exist and you’re present with this infinite moment.

Inspired action is available when you’re empty. You’ll always know what to do next from this place. Be the empty cup.